Swap Yelling for Connection

Does your child’s whining make you instantly irritated or overwhelmed? You’re not alone. Whining has a way of hitting a parent’s nervous system like nails on a chalkboard; high-pitched, repetitive, and grating. You might feel: Annoyed : “Why can’t they just say what they want?” Overwhelmed : especially if you're juggling a million things. Triggered: Maybe it reminds you of how your own emotions were dismissed. Helpless: “I just need this to stop!” These reactions are completely normal. But they’re also signs that your own nervous system is getting dysregulated. And that’s important to notice, because whining is actually a signal that your child is dysregulated, too. 🧠 Why Kids Whine Whining isn’t just noise. It’s a signal. Children whine because they: Are tired, hungry, or overstimulated Feel powerless or unsure how to ask for something Need connection or attention Know whining gets a reaction Haven’t learned another way (yet!) So when you hear the whine, try to pause and reframe it as a call for help or a cry for connection, not defiance. 💬 What to Say Instead of “Stop Whining” Telling a child to “stop whining” might shut things down in the moment, but it doesn’t teach them how to communicate better. Here are more effective phrases that respect their experience, model a different way, and guide them toward self-regulation: “I hear you. You're saying (repeat back what you’re hearing). Can you try again so I can understand?” “Let’s take a breath together and try that again.” “It sounds like something’s bothering you. Can you tell me in a different way?” “You’re having a hard time asking. Let me help you find the words.” “I want to help..” ✅ These phrases validate their feelings, offer co-regulation, and teach better communication skills. You don’t have to dread the whine. With a bit of awareness and a few new tools, you can turn those irritating moments into powerful connection and learning. If you missed my Instagram post, here’s a 4-step tool to try when you’re confronted with whining. Pause & Acknowledge: Stop, get down to their level, and say, “I hear you’re upset.” (Validating their feeling helps them feel seen and cuts the whining cycle.) Label the Need: Offer words for what they’re trying to say: “It sounds like you want more playtime,” or “You need help putting on your shoes.” Model the Ask: Calmly restate their request in a clear sentence: “Please help me with my shoes.” Reinforce & Praise: When they try again without whining, celebrate the win: “Yes! Thank you for asking differently, that really helps me know how to help you.” 📞 Ready for more tools? Parenting doesn’t have to feel like a guessing game. If you want practical tools and personalized support, I’d love to talk. 👉 Click here to schedule a free consult 💛You don’t have to do this alone. Warmly, Andrea Robbins, M.Ed | Parenting Coach | Parenting Vistas 📌 P.S. You’re not “giving in” when you respond to whining with compassion. You’re teaching and modeling emotional regulation. And that’s a skill your child (and you) will use for life. 💛

School’s out! And while the break sounds dreamy, the reality can feel more like chaos: "I'm bored!" "I don't want to!" Or non-stop snack requests. 😅 So why does this transition feel so hard? Kids Thrive on Predictability Even if your child grumbled about school schedules, the structure helped them feel safe and regulated. When summer hits and everything suddenly changes, it can throw them off balance and lead to big feelings, resistance, and behavior changes The Key? A Gentle Summer Rhythm You don’t need a rigid schedule. Instead, think about creating a predictable (yet flexible) flow to the day, something that grounds your child in a sense of "what’s coming next" without being overly structured. Here’s how to build it: ☀️ 1. Keep a Consistent Wake-Up & Bedtime This helps regulate sleep and sets the tone for the day. It doesn’t have to be as early as school days, just predictable. 💬 2. Start with a “What’s the Plan?” Chat A 2-minute morning check-in gives your child a sense of direction and control. You might say, “Here’s what we’ve got going on today. What do you want to add?” 🏃‍♀️ 3. Include Daily Anchors Think of simple categories like: Movement (bike ride, dance party, playground time) Creativity (drawing, building, crafts) Quiet time (books, puzzles, solo play) Rotate these in and out depending on the day, but keeping a similar order or rhythm can work wonders. 🤝 4. Involve Your Child Let them help shape the summer rhythm. It gives them a sense of ownership and often leads to better cooperation. When my kids were little, we’d kick off summer by making a list of all the “field trips” they wanted to take. Living in NYC gave us endless options! I’d pair each destination with a fun lunch spot and a nearby playground, turning each outing into a full day. A Little Structure = A Lot More Peace When kids know what to expect, they feel safer, more settled, and more capable of handling the slower pace of summer. And that means you can spend less time managing meltdowns and more time enjoying the moments that matter. Need More Support? If the school-to-summer transition is already feeling bumpy (or intimidating) or if you want personalized help setting up rhythms that actually work for your unique family, I’m here for you. 📅 Schedule a free consult call and let’s make this your most enjoyable, connected summer yet.

The Power of Naming Big Feelings Ever feel like your child’s emotions are a storm and you’re stuck in the middle of it? I get it! I’ve been there too. A while back when one of my children was 10 years-old they came home after a tough day. I could tell something was off by the way she stomped in, slammed her bag down, and yelled, “You never make anything I like for dinner!” Then she burst into tears. My first instinct was to snap back: “Excuse me? Don’t talk to me like that!” But I caught myself and remembered Name It to Tame It. So instead, I knelt down to her level and gently said: “Whoa, seems like you’re having a big feeling. I wonder if you’re feeling mad and frustrated from your day?” She nodded through tears and said, “It was the worst day ever. My friend wouldn’t play with me.” That moment changed everything. She softened. I stayed calm. We connected. Why This Works: When kids are overwhelmed, their emotional brains are running the show. Logic goes out the window and no amount of reasoning or redirecting will work until they feel seen and safe. When kids hear their feelings reflected back to them with calm, caring words, their nervous system settles. It’s like saying, “I see you, and I get it.” (You’re also teaching them an essential lifelong skill: emotional literacy.) And from there? You can guide them toward better choices. 🧠 This isn’t about excusing behavior. It’s about building emotional awareness, safety, and trust. Try It Today: Next time your child is upset, try saying: “It seems like you’re feeling really ___. That makes sense.” ✨You don’t have to fix the feeling (You can’t anyway). Just see it. The calm will come Let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear what shifts for you and your child. 💛 If you would like more personalized support sign up for a consult call here and we can talk about what that looks like. Warmly, Andrea Robbins, M.Ed Parenting Coach | Parenting Vistas

Check out the recent Redfin article we were featured in! Baby-proofing can feel like an endless checklist—especially when every outlet, corner, and cabinet suddenly seems like a safety hazard. Whether you just moved into a new rental in Denver or you’re living in an apartment in San Francisco , the key is to start simple and build from there. Redfin asked parenting coaches, child safety experts, and pediatric professionals for their renter friendly, best baby-proofing advice—covering everything from anchoring furniture and securing outlets to creating safe spaces for emotional development and independent play. Here’s what they had to say. Read the full article here: 22 Tips On Baby Proofing Apartments | Redfin (Parent company of ApartmentGuide and Rent. )

When your child is in the middle of a tantrum, their emotions have taken over. It may look like they’re being difficult or even manipulative, but what’s really happening is this: they’re overwhelmed. Their brains are still developing the tools to manage big feelings, and they often don’t have the words or the skills to express what they need or how they feel. They're not giving you a hard time; they're having a hard time. Here’s what they need to feel in that moment: Safe Understood Not alone in their big feelings Active and reflective listening gives them exactly that, because it speaks directly to what they need most in that moment: connection, safety, and emotional regulation. It helps them feel heard, which starts to calm their brain and body. 👂 What does this look like in real life? Instead of saying: ❌ “Stop crying.” ❌ “You’re fine.” ❌ “Calm down right now!” Try saying: ✅ “You’re really upset.” ✅ “You wanted to keep playing, and it’s hard to stop.” ✅ “It’s okay to feel mad. I’m here with you.” Even if they keep crying, you’re helping them move through the storm with you by their side, not alone in it. Here’s why it works: 🧠 1. It calms the nervous system When a child is tantruming, their brain is in fight-or-flight mode. They’re overwhelmed by big feelings and can’t access logic or self-control. 👉 Active listening helps them feel seen and safe, which signals to the brain: “You’re not alone. You’re okay.” That sense of safety is the first step toward calming down. ❤️ 2. It builds emotional validation Reflective listening (naming their emotions and experience) shows your child that their feelings are real and understandable. 🗨️ “You’re really mad because I said no.” This doesn’t mean you’re giving in. it means you’re connecting before correcting. And that connection makes a huge difference. 🔄 3. It prevents escalation Kids often escalate when they feel misunderstood or ignored. By reflecting their feelings accurately, you reduce the need for them to “shout louder” to be heard. 🌪️ The tantrum loses power when the child feels heard. 🛠️ 4. It teaches emotional awareness over time Even if they can’t calm down right away, your consistent use of active and reflective listening models emotional language and regulation. Over time, this helps your child: Identify their own feelings Express them more calmly Build resilience and empathy ✨ Bottom line: When your child is losing control, your listening helps them find it again. It’s not about stopping the tantrum It’s about being the safe, steady anchor through it. 🗣️ Here’s a Practice Script (During a Tantrum): Get close (but not too close if they need space) Stay calm and grounded Say what you see and hear, without judgment Example: “You’re really mad right now. You didn’t want me to say no.” “It’s hard when things don’t go the way you want.” “I get it. I’m here. We’ll get through this together.” You don’t have to figure this out alone. Schedule a free call today to learn how I can support you . Warmly, Andrea Parenting Vistas

Get Curious, Not Furious: What Your Child’s Behavior Is Really Telling You We’ve all been there. Your child is melting down over the “wrong” color cup or refusing to get dressed for school. In those moments, it’s easy to see their behavior as defiance, like they’re pushing your buttons on purpose. Sound familiar? But what if we paused (reminder: this was last week’s lesson) and saw it differently? What if, instead of reacting with frustration, we responded with curiosity? The truth is: behavior is communication . It’s how children let us know that a need isn’t being met. That need might be for rest, attention, autonomy, comfort, or safety. When we learn to see behavior through this lens, we stop labeling our kids as “difficult” and start responding with empathy and support. Behavior is the language of unmet needs. ➡️Try this simple mindset shift: Instead of “They’re being difficult,” ask: “What’s making this difficult for them?” Instead of “Why won’t they just listen?” ask: “What are they trying to tell me?” What is this behavior telling me about what my child needs right now? This shift won’t make every tough moment disappear, but it will help you stay more grounded and connected. And it helps your child feel safe and seen, and more willing to cooperate. Let me know how it goes and if you discover anything new. If you're struggling with this and would like more personalized support, I'd love to help. Schedule a free call here.

What If I Raised My Kids the Way I Treat My Dog? As a mother, parenting coach, and dog owner, I’ve found myself wondering: What if I raised my kids the way I raise and treat my dog? It’s a funny question at first, but the more I think about it, the more powerful it feels. If I treated my children like I do my dog, I would: Meet their needs without hesitation. When my dog is tired, I let her rest. When she’s restless, I play with her or take her outside for fresh air and exercise. I trust her needs are real, and I respond without judgment or question. Expect mistakes and stay calm about them. If my dog ruins a toy or has an accident, I don’t think, She’s being bad. I know she’s learning and doesn’t know better. I don’t question if she’s a “good dog” or if she’s being manipulative. Celebrate small wins. When she listens, when she sits, when she leaves the garbage alone, I am her biggest fan and cheer her on, like she just won the Olympics. Every success is worth a joyful, encouraging celebration. Show unconditional love, every single day. Whether she’s behaving well or having a hard day, my love for her doesn’t change. She knows she is safe and loved with me, NO MATTER WHAT. Imagine raising our kids with that lens: Meeting their needs without judgment. Understanding and expecting mistakes as part of growth. Celebrating steps forward. Offering love that doesn’t waver based on behavior or performance. If I raised my kids like I treat my dog, I imagine they would grow up believing they are capable, worthy, and resilient. They would take risks, bounce back (and learn) from mistakes, and feel confident in who they are, because they would trust that they are enough. And the truth is, we don’t have to imagine it. We can start today! Lead with love Respond with patience Celebrate every small win Our kids don’t need perfection from us. They need our consistency, our patience, our understanding, and our unwavering belief in their growth and who they are becoming. Let’s work together! I’d love to support you on your journey. You can schedule a FREE consultation call here and take the first step!

I witnessed something the other day that hit me hard. (I live in NYC, where it’s common to overhear people’s conversations while walking down the street.) A 4-year-old child was crying (nothing unusual), just the kind of typical, loud emotion little ones sometimes have. But what followed was painful to hear. The adult with him snapped: “What the f*ck are you crying for?! Shut up.” I don’t share this to judge her. Quite the opposite. That moment was a signal flare, not from the child, but from the mom’s nervous system. A moment like that says: “I am maxed out. I don’t have space, I don’t have tools, I’m barely holding it together.” It’s not the kind of parent she wants to be. I’m sure of it. And maybe you’ve been there too, not with those exact words, but in the feeling of: “I can’t take this anymore.” Here’s what I want you to know: 💡 When we explode, it doesn’t mean we’re broken. It means we need support. We need more than just advice, we need compassion, tools, and space to regulate ourselves before we can help our children regulate themselves. If you’ve had a moment like this, you’re not alone. It doesn’t define you. But it can be a turning point. 💬 I’d love to hear from you. What’s been your hardest parenting moment lately? What do you wish someone had told you in that moment? Let’s talk about it. Let’s stop pretending we have to do this perfectly or silently, because parenting is hard, AND it’s not meant to be done alone. 💛 Need support? I’m here. Book a free 20-minute call with me for a chance to exhale, get some clarity, and take one small step toward calmer, more connected parenting. You don’t have to do this alone.

As the New Year gets underway, many of us think about fresh starts and resolutions. For parents, this provides an opportunity to reflect on how we want to show up for ourselves, our families, and our children in the months ahead. Instead of focusing on rigid, Pinterest-worthy resolutions (which I believe sets us up for failure), consider setting intentions. Intentions are similar to resolutions, but they are kind of like the cooler, less judgmental cousin. What Are Intentions? Think of intentions as flexible guideposts that nudge you in the right direction. They gently guide your actions and focus on the energy and values you bring to your day. They are rooted in who you want to be , not just what you want to do . Best of all, intentions are about progress, not perfection. And honestly, in parenting, we need all the little wiggle room we can get. Why Intentions Are a Parenting Lifesaver Because parenting is an ever-evolving journey and there are no one-size-fits-all answers (despite what the internet says), intention setting allows us to embrace the idea that we are always learning, growing, and aiming to be the best parents we can be. Setting intentions allows us to stay grounded in the chaos and helps us to remember what matters most: connection, love, presence, and understanding (and surviving bedtime). This is especially important as we juggle so many roles and responsibilities. Intentions remind us to focus on what we can control- our mindset, our reactions, and our ability to support and nurture our families- even when life throws us curveballs. How to Set Intentions Reflect on What Matters Most Take a minute (probably in the shower, because that might be your only alone time) and think about what you value as a parent. What do you want to prioritize this year? Is it more patience, quality time, or more family fun? Reflect on the big picture and let your intentions come from what’s most meaningful to you. Be Specific AND Flexible Intentions should feel aligned with your values, they also need to be specific enough to guide your actions. For example, instead of saying, “I want to be more patient,” you might say, “I intend to pause and take 3 deep breaths before responding when I feel frustrated (and my kids are bouncing off the wall)”. Keep It Kind Be gentle with yourself. Remember, no one gets it right every day. Parenting is challenging, and some days don’t go as planned. Intentions are about progress, NOT perfection. Mess up? No problem! You’ll have another chance tomorrow. Involve Your Family Make it a family affair. Ask your kids, “What’s something we can work on together this year? You might hear some gems like, “We can all try and listen more” or “Let’s eat more ice cream.” Either way, it’s a win, because this will foster a sense of teamwork and shared purpose. Final Thoughts At the end of the day, intention setting is NOT about fixing yourself or your family. (Spoiler: You’re not broken.) As you set your intentions, remember it’s about showing up with love, some humor, and a whole lot of imperfection. Parenting can be messy, and it’s also full of moments that make it all worthwhile. Here’s to a year filled with connection, love, laughter, and mindful moments! You’ve got this, even on days it doesn’t feel like it. What’s one intention you’re setting in the New Year? Share it in the comments or send me a message- I’d love to hear from you! Warmly, Andrea