Want Fewer Power Struggles?
Andrea Robbins • December 9, 2025
Try offering choices
When you ask your child to do something, and you find yourself (depending on their age) in a power struggle or with a lot of pushback, try this strategy. It will likely boost cooperation.
Children fight for power when they feel controlled, cornered, or voiceless.
Their brain goes into threat mode, and the instinct becomes:
“You can’t make me.”
Giving choices
shifts their brain out of threat and into autonomy,
one of the strongest human motivators. When kids feel even a little control, they don’t need to fight for all of it.
So when you offer two choices,
you’re doing three things at once:
1. You meet their need for autonomy.
Power struggles happen because kids want to feel capable and respected.
Choices give them that in a safe, structured way.
"Would you like to clean your room now or at 12:00?
2. You keep the boundary, but lower the intensity.
You’re not backing down.
You’re giving options within your limit.
“Do it now” = battle.
“Here are your choices” = cooperation.
3. You activate their thinking brain.
A child can’t think in a power struggle — their emotional brain is driving.
Choices bring the prefrontal cortex back online.
That’s when cooperation becomes possible again.
You stay regulated, which regulates them.
Offering choices keeps you calm.
A calm adult helps the child’s nervous system settle, which ends the fight faster.
Best,
Andrea Robbins, M.Ed | Parent Coach | Parenting Vistas
P.S. If you're looking for strategies that fit your family's specific needs, set up a free call,
and we can get started.
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I'm really excited to share something new I've been working on! I'm creating a Parenting Toolkit , and the first resource of the bunch, The Cooperation Playbook, is finally here! The idea rose from my work with parents, where I kept seeing the same need: parents who want practical tools they can use in the moment, something they can easily access when they're completely overwhelmed and wondering, "What now?!" If you're a parent who is tired of repeating yourself (only to have your child still not listen) and getting stuck in power struggles, this is for you. In the Playbook , I break down the challenges behind your child not listening. Here you'll learn 6 tools to meet your child where they are, hold boundaries, and gain cooperation without yelling, threats, bribes, or rewards. You can find The Cooperation Playbook here or The full Cooperation Bundle here. The bundle includes: The Cooperation Playbook (11 pages), 2 bonus cooperation tools, a cooperation script library, and a guide on how to motivate your child for lasting cooperation I'm happy to answer any questions; you can respond directly to this email. Warmly, Andrea Robbins, M.Ed | Parent Coach | Parenting Vistas
Tips for a smoother start
What Charlie Brown was Trying to Tell Us
...and how it relates to parenting
The dreaded public meltdown
5 Simple Ways to Connect With Your Toddler (That Actually Leads to Cooperation and Resiliency) Connection isn’t something extra to do when there’s “time”. It's something you build into your everyday moments, and it’s what makes everything else work. 1. Get on their level Sit on the floor, make eye contact, and enter their world. This instantly decreases power struggles and invites connection (and cooperation) 2. 10 minutes of “Special Time” Let your toddler lead the play. No phone. No directing. Even 10-minutes of child-led play will fill their connection cup 3. Narrate: “I see you” “You're stacking the blocks so tall.” This helps your toddler feel seen and builds language at the same time. 4. Make transitions playful Transitions are hard for many toddlers, and they will resist being met with control. Toddlers typically respond better to connection and playfulness. This will lower resistance instantly. “Can you hop like a bunny (stomp like a dinosaur) to put your shoes on (brush your teeth)?” 5. Redo & Repair When things go off the rails, “Want a do-over?” “Can you try asking me again?” We all lose it sometimes, “I don’t like how I yelled. I’m working on staying calm.” These allow for learning from mistakes and building skills without shame. “Perfect” parenting is never the goal, but authentic parenting is. If you want to parent this way, but find yourself getting stuck in the moment, that's exactly what I help with in my program. Come join!