When “Shut the F*ck Up” Slips Out: What Our Hardest Moments Are Really Telling Us

Parenting Tip of the Week: Connection Before Correction Because calm is more powerful than control Have you ever found yourself jumping in to fix, correct, or explain the moment your child starts to melt down only to realize it's making things worse? You're not alone. It's a totally human response. We want to help. We want the moment to stop and want to get through to them. But here’s the truth: When a child is emotionally flooded; yelling, crying, melting down, they’re not in a space to hear logic or correction. Jumping in to fix, teach, or redirect too quickly can actually escalate the moment, not soothe it. Why? Because their nervous system is overwhelmed and unable to access logic, empathy, or self-regulation. And the thing that will bring them back? Your calm, safe presence. Regulation is contagious. your nervous system has the power to calm theirs. That means your presence, more than your solutions can help settle their storm. Start With Connection, Not Correction When things get tense, try this: Pause and get grounded yourself first Kneel down to their eye level Make eye contact Use a calm, quiet voice Offer proximity without pressure You might say: “I see you're having a hard time. I right here” “You don’t have to do this alone.” These small moments of emotional safety help your child’s nervous system settle. Only then can they start to think clearly, listen, and learn. Why It Matters As psychologist and author Mona Delahooke says: “Connection is the pathway to cooperation.” That doesn’t mean we don’t set boundaries or offer guidance. It means we start by helping our child feel emotionally safe. When a child senses they’re being seen rather than judged, supported rather than shamed, their brain can shift out of fight or flight mode. That’s when real growth becomes possible. And just to be clear: Connection is not the same as permissiveness. It's the foundation beneath your boundaries. ❤️ This Week’s Reminder You don’t need the perfect script. You don’t need all the answers. You just need to be the calm in the storm. Your steady presence is often the most powerful tool you have. And if you're feeling stretched or stuck in how to stay grounded when your child isn't, I’m just a reply away. Schedule a free consult call and we can talk about how to bring more connection, calm, and clarity to your parenting. Warmly, Andrea

When your child is in the middle of a meltdown, tantruming, overwhelmed, or simply unable to cope, they can’t think or take in any information, because their brains are in a “fight or flight” state. In those moments, your child’s nervous system is in survival mode, and their brain is focused on safety. This is why trying to correct their behavior or tell them to “calm down” just isn’t effective. Instead, what your child truly needs is connection . Before you rush in with teachings or corrections, consider offering a moment of co-regulation (lending your calm when your child can't access theirs). Once their nervous system has settled, they’ll be able to think more clearly and respond to you.  Why Connection Matters More Than Correction When children feel emotionally safe and connected to their caregiver, their nervous system is better able to calm down. That’s because the part of the brain responsible for reasoning, impulse control, and learning (the prefrontal cortex) only comes online when the child feels safe. And connection creates that safety. Once your child feels calm, that’s when you can gently begin to guide them with logic and teaching. Connection doesn’t mean letting them get away with everything; it simply means meeting them where they are, offering the emotional support they need, and then teaching them once they’re in a place to absorb it. What Does Connection Look Like? Here are some practical ways to co-regulate and show your child that they are safe: Offer words of reassurance: Try saying something like, “I’m right here with you.” Stay calm yourself: Your calm presence helps their nervous system calm down. Use a gentle touch: Sometimes, a hand on their back or just being nearby can can communicate safety and support. Give them space to feel: Sit with them, letting them know it’s okay to feel upset, and that you’re there to help. Next Time You’re in the Midst of a Meltdown… Before you try to correct behavior, try this simple shift: Pause. Connect first. Correct later. Remember, the goal isn’t to dismiss or ignore challenging behavior but rather to address the underlying emotional distress. By prioritizing connection, you create a f oundation of trust and safety , setting the stage for constructive moments of learning (and cooperation) down the road. Looking for more tips on handling meltdowns and building a connected relationship with your kids? Sign up for a free consult call, and we can begin developing a personalized plan that’s specific to your family. Best, Andrea Robbins, M.Ed Parenting Coach | Parenting Vistas

A parent recently told me: “I’m constantly breaking up fights. It’s like I live in a war zone.” Maybe you’ve felt the same lately, especially with the extra time kids spend together during summer. Vacations, late nights, boredom, and heat? It’s the perfect storm for sibling squabbles. But here’s something I want to offer: What if the problem isn’t that your kids are fighting? What if the problem is our expectation that they shouldn’t? Sibling rivalry is normal. Messy. Developmental. And while it feels like a step backward (and annoying), it’s actually a step toward learning how to navigate relationships, handle big feelings, and repair after rupture. It isn't something to "fix". It's something to guide. What changes everything is how we respond. Instead of asking: “How do I stop this fighting?” Try asking: “What skills are my kids missing in this moment?” Skills like: Naming emotions Taking turns Self-regulating before reacting Asking for space Repairing after a rupture Here's the truth: When you shift from being the referee (deciding who's right) to coach (teaching the skill), the dynamic softens. And your kids grow stronger, not just in their relationship with each other, but in the way they move through the world. Because remember, being a sibling is training for every relationship- current and future. Andrea Robbins, M.Ed Parenting Coach | Parenting Vistas Set up your free consult call today and we can design a personalized plan that suits your family.

Have you ever caught yourself mindlessly scrolling while your kid is mid-sentence? Or thinking, "I’ll just check this one thing real quick..." and suddenly five (or 15) minutes have passed? You’re not alone. Phones are designed to pull our attention, and parenting is full of moments where distraction feels easier than presence. But here’s the thing: It’s in those ordinary, everyday moments when they’re asking a question, telling a random story, or just hanging nearby that the real connection happens. When you pause, make eye contact, and really listen, your child feels something powerful: “I matter. I am enough.” And here’s another layer: Many parents worry about their kids being addicted to their phones, and research tells us that’s a valid concern. The truth is our kids learn how to be in the world by watching us. If they constantly see us glued to a screen, that becomes the norm. When we model putting the phone down, being present, and prioritizing face-to-face connection, we’re sending a different kind of message. One they’ll carry with them. We’re showing them what presence looks like. What respect looks like. What love in action looks like. This week, I offer a simple challenge: 👉 Choose one moment a day to intentionally put your phone down and fully tune in. Not forever. Just 5 (or 10) minutes. See what shifts. Because presence builds trust. And trust builds connection. And connection is EVERYTHING! Warmly, Andrea Robbins, M.Ed Parenting Coach | Parenting Vistas P.S. If you’re ready for more calm, connection, and confidence in your parenting, let’s talk. Book a free call here . I’d love to support you.

One Simple Shift to End Power Struggles If it feels like every little thing turns into a standoff lately; getting dressed, brushing teeth, turning off the screen, you’re not alone! But here’s the thing: Power struggles aren’t really about the socks or the screen time. They’re about something deeper: 👉 Kids seeking a sense of control and connection. When kids feel powerless, they push back in the only ways they know how, through their behavior (read: defiance). And as parents, it’s easy to respond with more firmness or frustration, but that often fuels the resistance instead of easing it. So what can you do instead? Try this tool 🛠: Choice Within Limits Offering two acceptable choices gives kids the autonomy they crave while keeping you in the leadership role. Examples: ➡️ “You can brush your teeth now or after your pajamas are on. Your choice.” ➡️ “Do you want to turn the screen off in 3 minutes or 5 minutes? ➡️ "Would you like the blue cup or red cup? Let me know" This small shift can: ✔️ Reduce battles ✔️ Increase cooperation ✔️ Build your child’s decision-making skills ✔️ Preserve your energy and sanity 💡 Pro Tip: Always lead with connection. Before offering choices, pause to make eye contact, offer a warm tone or touch, and acknowledge their feelings. Kids who feel connected are more likely to act cooperative. Remember: Connection first. Then collaboration. Small shifts lead to big changes. If you want support applying this to real-life parenting moments schedule a call here . You’ve got this. 💛 Andrea Robbins, M.Ed Parenting Coach | Parenting Vistas

Let’s be honest: self-care often feels impossible as a parent. But here’s the truth: it’s not indulgent, it’s essential. And it doesn’t need to be big to make a BIG difference, just intentional . Try one of these: 💛Step outside for 3 deep breaths 💛Say “yes” to help, or “no” to something draining 💛Listen to a song you love while cleaning up 💛Take 5 minutes alone after the kids are in bed 💛Choose rest over another task on your list Here’s why taking care of you matters just as much as taking care of your child: 💛 1. It Helps You Stay Regulated Your nervous system sets the tone. When you’re calm and grounded, your child feels safer and more settled too. 💬 2. You Respond Better Overwhelm makes us reactive. Rest, even in small moments, creates space to respond with patience and clarity. 🌱 3. It Models Boundaries & Balance & Authenticity Your child is watching. When they see you set limits, take breaks, and ask for help, they learn that their needs matter too. 🧠 4. It Prevents Burnout Parenting is relentless. Without time to refill your cup, burnout and resentment can creep in fast. 🤝 5. It Builds Stronger Connection When you’re well-resourced, you’re more present. And presence is where true connection grows. ✨ Try This: What’s one small way you can take care of yourself today? A cup of tea while seated. A 3-minute walk. A pause to breathe before bedtime routines begin. Start there. You matter too. Warmly, Andrea Robbins, M.Ed | Parenting Coach | Parenting Vistas P.S. Want support creating more space for yourself without guilt? Let's talk. Schedule a free call here.

Does your child’s whining make you instantly irritated or overwhelmed? You’re not alone. Whining has a way of hitting a parent’s nervous system like nails on a chalkboard; high-pitched, repetitive, and grating. You might feel: Annoyed : “Why can’t they just say what they want?” Overwhelmed : especially if you're juggling a million things. Triggered: Maybe it reminds you of how your own emotions were dismissed. Helpless: “I just need this to stop!” These reactions are completely normal. But they’re also signs that your own nervous system is getting dysregulated. And that’s important to notice, because whining is actually a signal that your child is dysregulated, too. 🧠 Why Kids Whine Whining isn’t just noise. It’s a signal. Children whine because they: Are tired, hungry, or overstimulated Feel powerless or unsure how to ask for something Need connection or attention Know whining gets a reaction Haven’t learned another way (yet!) So when you hear the whine, try to pause and reframe it as a call for help or a cry for connection, not defiance. 💬 What to Say Instead of “Stop Whining” Telling a child to “stop whining” might shut things down in the moment, but it doesn’t teach them how to communicate better. Here are more effective phrases that respect their experience, model a different way, and guide them toward self-regulation: “I hear you. You're saying (repeat back what you’re hearing). Can you try again so I can understand?” “Let’s take a breath together and try that again.” “It sounds like something’s bothering you. Can you tell me in a different way?” “You’re having a hard time asking. Let me help you find the words.” “I want to help..” ✅ These phrases validate their feelings, offer co-regulation, and teach better communication skills. You don’t have to dread the whine. With a bit of awareness and a few new tools, you can turn those irritating moments into powerful connection and learning. If you missed my Instagram post, here’s a 4-step tool to try when you’re confronted with whining. Pause & Acknowledge: Stop, get down to their level, and say, “I hear you’re upset.” (Validating their feeling helps them feel seen and cuts the whining cycle.) Label the Need: Offer words for what they’re trying to say: “It sounds like you want more playtime,” or “You need help putting on your shoes.” Model the Ask: Calmly restate their request in a clear sentence: “Please help me with my shoes.” Reinforce & Praise: When they try again without whining, celebrate the win: “Yes! Thank you for asking differently, that really helps me know how to help you.” 📞 Ready for more tools? Parenting doesn’t have to feel like a guessing game. If you want practical tools and personalized support, I’d love to talk. 👉 Click here to schedule a free consult 💛You don’t have to do this alone. Warmly, Andrea Robbins, M.Ed | Parenting Coach | Parenting Vistas 📌 P.S. You’re not “giving in” when you respond to whining with compassion. You’re teaching and modeling emotional regulation. And that’s a skill your child (and you) will use for life. 💛

School’s out! And while the break sounds dreamy, the reality can feel more like chaos: "I'm bored!" "I don't want to!" Or non-stop snack requests. 😅 So why does this transition feel so hard? Kids Thrive on Predictability Even if your child grumbled about school schedules, the structure helped them feel safe and regulated. When summer hits and everything suddenly changes, it can throw them off balance and lead to big feelings, resistance, and behavior changes The Key? A Gentle Summer Rhythm You don’t need a rigid schedule. Instead, think about creating a predictable (yet flexible) flow to the day, something that grounds your child in a sense of "what’s coming next" without being overly structured. Here’s how to build it: ☀️ 1. Keep a Consistent Wake-Up & Bedtime This helps regulate sleep and sets the tone for the day. It doesn’t have to be as early as school days, just predictable. 💬 2. Start with a “What’s the Plan?” Chat A 2-minute morning check-in gives your child a sense of direction and control. You might say, “Here’s what we’ve got going on today. What do you want to add?” 🏃‍♀️ 3. Include Daily Anchors Think of simple categories like: Movement (bike ride, dance party, playground time) Creativity (drawing, building, crafts) Quiet time (books, puzzles, solo play) Rotate these in and out depending on the day, but keeping a similar order or rhythm can work wonders. 🤝 4. Involve Your Child Let them help shape the summer rhythm. It gives them a sense of ownership and often leads to better cooperation. When my kids were little, we’d kick off summer by making a list of all the “field trips” they wanted to take. Living in NYC gave us endless options! I’d pair each destination with a fun lunch spot and a nearby playground, turning each outing into a full day. A Little Structure = A Lot More Peace When kids know what to expect, they feel safer, more settled, and more capable of handling the slower pace of summer. And that means you can spend less time managing meltdowns and more time enjoying the moments that matter. Need More Support? If the school-to-summer transition is already feeling bumpy (or intimidating) or if you want personalized help setting up rhythms that actually work for your unique family, I’m here for you. 📅 Schedule a free consult call and let’s make this your most enjoyable, connected summer yet.

The Power of Naming Big Feelings Ever feel like your child’s emotions are a storm and you’re stuck in the middle of it? I get it! I’ve been there too. A while back when one of my children was 10 years-old they came home after a tough day. I could tell something was off by the way she stomped in, slammed her bag down, and yelled, “You never make anything I like for dinner!” Then she burst into tears. My first instinct was to snap back: “Excuse me? Don’t talk to me like that!” But I caught myself and remembered Name It to Tame It. So instead, I knelt down to her level and gently said: “Whoa, seems like you’re having a big feeling. I wonder if you’re feeling mad and frustrated from your day?” She nodded through tears and said, “It was the worst day ever. My friend wouldn’t play with me.” That moment changed everything. She softened. I stayed calm. We connected. Why This Works: When kids are overwhelmed, their emotional brains are running the show. Logic goes out the window and no amount of reasoning or redirecting will work until they feel seen and safe. When kids hear their feelings reflected back to them with calm, caring words, their nervous system settles. It’s like saying, “I see you, and I get it.” (You’re also teaching them an essential lifelong skill: emotional literacy.) And from there? You can guide them toward better choices. 🧠 This isn’t about excusing behavior. It’s about building emotional awareness, safety, and trust. Try It Today: Next time your child is upset, try saying: “It seems like you’re feeling really ___. That makes sense.” ✨You don’t have to fix the feeling (You can’t anyway). Just see it. The calm will come Let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear what shifts for you and your child. 💛 If you would like more personalized support sign up for a consult call here and we can talk about what that looks like. Warmly, Andrea Robbins, M.Ed Parenting Coach | Parenting Vistas